Unique or worthless?

I realise that I have issues with finding a balance between feeling special and feeling like a small blob in an infinite universe.
I was an only child to a single parent and was fortunate enough to believe that I was the most special thing on the planet. This had its down side as you can imagine!
Growing older has given me wisdom enough to take out this dilemma and examine it occasionally and balance the delight in myself with a healthy dose of "you're nothing compared to the vast expanse of space". More frequently these days I need to do a lot more "actually, you know you're not that bad!"
Being a Christian compounds this dilemma. We're special- God died for us as individuals but that intimate relationship puts us in the direct spotlight of an all powerful God. We are made in his image, but everything we offer is like the painting of a 2 year old- loved but feeble.
Yesterday we had a sermon about a goldfish and an ice cream. On discovering that their pet goldfish was lying immobile in the bowl, the dad promised his son that they could have ice cream. The fish then started swimming and the boys talked about killing the goldfish so that they could still get the ice cream. The point was do we do things for others or for ourselves? This ties in with how we view ourselves. In a consumer led society, we believe we are right and that we have a right to whatever we want. As a Christian, we should put others first. What does that mean? I don't think it means always seeing yourself as a microbe in the universe. We still need to know our worth and value. It is with that foundation we realise how much we have been given and then want to give that away to others.
It's a hard balance to strike.

Learning all the time

I'm currently writing an essay on young people and drugs and came across this,
The Responsible Drug User’s Oath:

I swear or affirm that:
• I understand the effects of all recreational drugs I take, to the best of my ability. I shall research the neurochemical, psychological, physiological, spirituality effects, the legal issues surrounding the drug and its use.
• When taking a drug I am inexperienced with, I shall begin with the lowest dose suggested to be psychoactive by the aforementioned research before progressing to higher dosages. I will measure the drug carefully, with an accurate scale.
• If it is possible that the drug may contain harmful adulterants or in fact be a different drug altogether, I shall have the drug chemically analyzed for purity and content.
• I will learn the overdose limits for my own body weight and adjust them for any possible synergistic effects due to diet, prescription or other drugs. I will also adjust for dangerous side effects and my own health condition. After calculating my personal limit, I will stay under 75% of this limit, to minimize risk.
• While under the effects of a drug, I shall not take physical risks such as driving, climbing, swimming, or any other physical activity in which my actions may cause harm to myself or others.
• When first using a drug I am inexperienced with, I shall take it in the company of an experienced user, also known as a spotter. The spotter will remain sober during this experience, and will also have fully researched the drug.
• I shall not attempt to sway, force, trick, or otherwise coerce another person to take any drug in a dishonest way; rather, I shall discuss previous drug experiences and research frankly and truthfully, allowing all people to make their own personal decisions about drug use.
• I shall defend the rights of others to make educated, responsible decisions about drug use. I shall not support any person or movement that attempts to remove or abridge said rights.
• I shall not allow my drug use to overshadow or disrupt the other important aspects of my life, including social interaction, employment or even other personal pursuits.
• I will also take responsibility for the drug use of friends and relatives, if their drug use becomes dangerous to their health or personal relationships.
I swear this with the hope of creating a society in which safe, responsible drug use is a personal decision, not a criminal offense.
Addenda January 2006, 2 new points:
• I understand the effects of habituation, and therefore I shall exercise caution and significantly reduce the quantity of any familiar drug I use when taking the drug in a new and different environment for the first time.
As a drug consumer, I will embrace responsible drug production and distribution methods, such as growing or farming your own, and shun suppliers who use violence when not necessary for their self-defense.

What do you think of that? I thought it was very interesting and will be using it in my essay.

I have also been learning about my family and about the life of my grandmother. She is 93 years old and is very seriously ill at the moment. I've been to visit her twice now and it's good to see her at home in her last few days but sad to see her body wasting away and know that she's in pain. From talking to my aunt, I've found out that her mother was married twice: her first husband died and then she married my grandmother's father. He left her mother and took her 2 year old brother before she was born. Apparantly he went to Australia with all the money from the family business and set up a new life (and family) for himself there. Their's was not an easy life.

I also learnt that her first name is actually Phyllis and not Pearl as we all had assumed.

God is teaching me lots of deeper things here too. About life and death, assumptions, strength, family.

Thank you God.

Sung Worship

Quite an interesting debate has opened up in a few blogs that I read about using songs and music to aid worship in Sunday services. It started with Joolian talking about a church having a service with all chart/secular songs. Then Heather picked up the baton thinking a little about the point of sung worship during services especially when it becomes a "hymn sandwich". The comments from Sparkles and Benvolio based on that post move the debate on further to "worship sets"- a 20 minute or more block of sung worship. Monty as a worship leader has interesting points to make here and on his own blog too.

Why do we have songs? In the bible we find singing and I'm sure I could find lots of examples but I'm currently reading Exodus and this passage was last night's reading:
Exodus 15: 1-3

The Song of Moses and Miriam

1 Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to the LORD :
"I will sing to the LORD,
for he is highly exalted.
The horse and its rider
he has hurled into the sea.

2 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father's God, and I will exalt him.

3 The LORD is a warrior;
the LORD is his name.

It would seem that singing in some way expresses praise. If I had the time and the inclination, I would also pick out bible passages that show that singing expresses sadness, intimacy and exuberance (but I don't!). Singing in some way taps into our emotions and I would say straight to the soul.

Thinking specifically of using songs not written as an overt songs of praise to God, can these be a form of worship to a variety of people? There are a range of options in this complicated arena. Firstly, the people who wrote the song could be Christian or not. Secondly, the audience could be Christian or not.

It would be foolish to suggest that non-Christians couldn't write music that isn't spiritual or could be used by Christians, in fact historically, it has happened. Because it isn't dedicated to God in its conception doesn't mean that it isn't God inspired. Neil Walker used to constantly remind us that there is nothing "sacred" about some of the traditional hymns we sing as they are the old pub tunes/popular music of the Victorian era, grabbed by Christians to appeal to the masses and entice them to church.

Not all tracks composed by Christians are taken in a worship context. There are several examples but I remember a track by Plummet called Damaged that became a big dance hit a few years ago. The track was originally by Plumb but went "mainstream" when Plummet remixed it. I do believe however that clubbing is actually worship although the participants probably don't realise that! When Jesus talks to the woman at the well he says "You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks." (John 4: 21-23) So it is possible to worship and yet not be in tune with the Creator.

I do understand however that for some reasons, singing may not connect with everyone as a method of expression of worship. I think sometimes these reasons are to do with a lack of singing ability and I think that anything that causes people to disengage with corporate times of worship can be damaging. There should always be an alternative so a service shouldn't be all about singing and they aren't (usually). Maybe this is why "hymn sandwich" services have arisen.

I find this quote from Joolian interesting: Being spiritually uplifted by something familiar may not be worship. Music has that power and we just need to exercise some caution not to manipulate with it.
Does music have the power? Or is it the power of God reflected in the piece that stirs our soul, even if we do not know or proclaim Him? If something touches us spiritually, do we have to analyse that sensation? I am interested in this lack of trust for the way we feel things. I tend towards trust but after seeing a programme called Messiah by Derren Brown I am aware that maybe I should be a little more cautious in response to my feelings. (Derren took a group of self confessed atheists and using a series of techniques, induced a spiritual state in them that they attributed to God) I guess comparisions with the Toronto Blessing in evoking a hysterical response to certain stimuli are understandable.
If music has the power to manipulate us into a state of euphoria that may encourage us to believe that we are communicating with God, does this mean that we are not worshipping God? Is it possible to suggest that music does make us susceptible and this is why we use it? Then surely ANY music that puts us into that state is relevant to bring us to that point. So long as we reach that state, does it matter how we get there?

I realise that it's taken me some time to think about all these things and the post is already long and rambling but my conclusion is that sung worship engages the soul at a level that is unseen and in some respects unknowable. This is not however a universal experience and sung worship can be a struggle for some but I believe is a skill that they can aquire over time with patience. I think that the origin of the music is irrelevant mainly and we shouldn't be afraid to use "secular" music as an aid to worship.

Hope some of that makes sense...