Eurovision

It's been some time since Eurovision was on our screens but I have been thinking about it and wanted to do a blog about it. A couple of years ago I was organised and allocated countries to everyone in the family and we supported them and judged how well they would do. It was an entertaining evening complete with unhealthy snacks- Eurovision at it's tacky but compulsive best. I didn't do that this year, partly because it's just so long and waiting for the results is so tedious. But 2 of us did keep track of our top ten songs and looked the following morning to see how they had done. Neither of us had scored the winning song in our own top ten. What had happened? Well, the usual Eurovision craziness during voting, that's what.
The winners, Russia, had submitted their own equivalent of Robbie Williams (Dima Bilan) into the competition and his appeal stretches beyond Russia. It also doesn't escape notice that Russia's many neighbours gave him maximum points. And this is the current day bone of contention- political and partisan voting. For countries such as the UK who have no or few bordering countries, their days of Eurovision success are numbered.
And every year we grumble about it but it's not going to get any better. We're convinced that it's not about the music any more but how can songs realistically be judged one against another?
Also as the UK is one of four countries who pay the most towards the competition (which guarantees us a place in the final) is the time right for us to back away?
Or is that just a little conceited? Haven't we had our time in the sun?
I think we ought to relax a little more and focus on a song that we can be proud of, one that we wouldn't mind seeing in the chart. And then maybe, our chance will come again. Boom bang-a-bang!

Writing a Eurovision song

One of my hidden and non-verbalised goals is to write a Eurovision song. Not sure that this is the year for it but you never know, one day I might! However I'm wondering whether I have as much chance as Morrissey of penning the winning formula. Strange but true: after last year's trouncing of Daz Sampson's he remarked, with his tongue firmly in his cheek that he should have been asked to do it. It seems he has. But will he pick up the mantle or is it a little too different from what he's used to? As a bloke that comes across as totally humourless, I'm not sure that the words Morrissey and Eurovision should ever be together. But I'm sure that the plot will thicken...

My tips for writing a (winning) Eurovision song:

• Make the song tuneful and melodic
• Include something that speaks about the nation you represent (ie in Ireland have haunting pipes or harp, in England have the band dress as Beefeaters, etc)
• Include in your song elements that talk about harmony, working together or alluding to the fact that country boundaries are just a human creation
• Make your artist be very stiking and/or wearing very revealing clothes
• Ensure your artist has a voice up to the job
• Humour is probably best left alone as it's usually a wild card
• Write your song in English but throw some other languages in there too if you can to show how broad minded you are
• Make sure that your country has not had any adverse press or has the pity of the other competing nations
• Try and have an "angle". If I knew what that was, I'd write the song and not tell you on here
  
• The most important feature of all is that you must, MUST have a key change in your song