Writing a Eurovision song

One of my hidden and non-verbalised goals is to write a Eurovision song. Not sure that this is the year for it but you never know, one day I might! However I'm wondering whether I have as much chance as Morrissey of penning the winning formula. Strange but true: after last year's trouncing of Daz Sampson's he remarked, with his tongue firmly in his cheek that he should have been asked to do it. It seems he has. But will he pick up the mantle or is it a little too different from what he's used to? As a bloke that comes across as totally humourless, I'm not sure that the words Morrissey and Eurovision should ever be together. But I'm sure that the plot will thicken...

My tips for writing a (winning) Eurovision song:

• Make the song tuneful and melodic
• Include something that speaks about the nation you represent (ie in Ireland have haunting pipes or harp, in England have the band dress as Beefeaters, etc)
• Include in your song elements that talk about harmony, working together or alluding to the fact that country boundaries are just a human creation
• Make your artist be very stiking and/or wearing very revealing clothes
• Ensure your artist has a voice up to the job
• Humour is probably best left alone as it's usually a wild card
• Write your song in English but throw some other languages in there too if you can to show how broad minded you are
• Make sure that your country has not had any adverse press or has the pity of the other competing nations
• Try and have an "angle". If I knew what that was, I'd write the song and not tell you on here
  
• The most important feature of all is that you must, MUST have a key change in your song