STOP THE TRAFFIK

Thursday, May 28, 2009

the Boy in the Striped Pyjamas 2

‘I expect you’re as unhappy about this new arrangement as I am,’ said Bruno
I don’t think a nine year old would have said this

‘Well, I don’t think you can have been very good at your job if it means we all have to move away from a very nice home and our friends and come to a horrible place like this. I think you must have done something wrong and you should go and apologise to the Fury and maybe that will be an end to it. Maybe he’ll forgive you if you’re very sincere about it.’
I doubt he would have had the guts to say this to his father as everyone including Bruno was scared of him and would a nine year old have phrased it that way?

‘Bringing us all the way out here, to the middle of nowhere, you mean? Is that taking care of us?’

Again, clumsy sentence structure, unrealistic dialogue.

‘It could be worse than it seems.’
‘It’s not,’ said Pavel, who barely seemed to be listening to what Bruno was saying, the carrots were taking up so much of his attention.
‘Well, how do you know?’ asked Bruno quickly, growing irritable now despite the fact t
hat this was the same man who had come out to pick him up off the ground and brought him in and taken care of him. ‘You’re not a doctor.’
Pavel stopped peeling the carrots for a moment and looked across the table at Bruno, his head held low, his eyes looking up, as if he were wondering what to say to such a thing. He sighed and seemed to consider it for quite a long time before saying, ‘Yes I am.’
Bruno stared at him in surprise. This didn’t make any sense to him. ‘But you’re a waiter,’ he said slowly. ‘And you peel the vegetables for dinner. How can you be a doctor too?’

This exchange typifies how slow on the uptake Bruno is and how we have to have his laboured thoughts spoken out loud really unrealistically. He’s either dim witted or not particularly nice. If he’s dim witted, I think the author has failed to make him believable. If he’s not supposed to be very nice then I don’t care about what happens to him in the end. Either way, he’s a poorly written character which makes me cross because this is a published novel and he’s making money from people like me when he really shouldn’t be.
These are just random examples taken as I flicked through the book. They're not comprehensive example. If Id've opened the book elsewhere I could have any number of other examples.
Wikipedia says that John Boyne wrote this in 2.5 days solid. I can believe this. It reads like he should have worked on it a lot longer and revised it drastically.
I love children's and young adults literature but this was very poor. Holes by Louis Sachar is a good example of a story written really well without compromise in language.
I'm sorry that my opinions may be controversial so please do tell me why I'm wrong and why it is well written if you think it is.

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4 Comments:

At May 29, 2009 11:52 am, Blogger Ben F. Foster Esq. (c) said...

I've not read the stripey pjama'd boy but I hear what you're saying about incompetent writing. I wonder how many people would pick up on it though?

Jeffery Archer can pass for literature in some circles so it does get worse...

Are you still writing yourself, Helen?

 
At May 29, 2009 6:16 pm, Blogger Helsalata said...

Yes I am and I guess that's why it irks that I can't get away with it so why should these chancers?!
I'm quite proud of some of the things I've been producing but I've still got lots to learn...

 
At May 30, 2009 6:21 pm, Blogger Ben F. Foster Esq. (c) said...

i find I learn best from other people's mistakes... maybe the same for yourself.

Have you thought of a charactr called Ben Pholio? He's a loveable rogue who likes to scamp grown ups and steal sugar cubes out of the bowl. The rappest of all scallions...

 
At June 06, 2009 11:16 pm, Blogger Sweet Pete said...

I prefer stripey nightshirts myself, the single garment alleviates all the complications of a two-piece outfit and can look quite stylish even in the day time. Sorry, sorry sorry - crass comment and deserving of a poorly read science teacher. XX

 

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